Week 11 - The Discomforting Sound of Silence

                I figured going into this project that these last two weeks or so of the school year would be pretty lame-duck; that is, fewer people would call me back because the school year is winding down anyway. Hopefully I’m wrong, but if the two notecards I handed out this week are any tell, I would say it was an accurate prediction.

                I did the regular handout this week; one to a male, one to a female. The female gave the standard “Smile, nod, thanks” that seems to be so popular a response to this project. The male really made me uncomfortable by not saying anything, not even a thank you, not even a goodbye. He didn’t even have to scowl, or frown, or show any negative body language at all—just by saying absolutely nothing, the guy made me feel really stupid. This is really weird in any context, if you think about it; nothing makes me squirm more than when someone doesn’t talk when I expect them to do so. I suppose I shouldn’t be complaining about people thanking me when there are apparently some people that won’t even open their mouth when I give them a notecard.

                On the bright side, I was outside on Thursday morning when I was approached by the guy I gave a notecard last week. He came up to me and said, “Uh, I seem to have misplaced your phone number… Do you mind if I could get it again?” So of course I gave him my number, which is a good sign as far as his calling me back, but he still hasn’t called. I suppose there is always this weekend, but I’m not exactly anticipating him calling me back.

                So what do you think, reader? Does the end of the school year give an incentive to call back because of the “I’ve got nothing to lose” factor, or does it hinder the desire to call back because of the “We’re almost done, I don’t give a hoot” factor?

Week 10 - If You Listen Closely, You Might Hear Someone Speaking

                I had quite a bit of work this week, so it’s probably for the best that nobody called me back. I gave a card to an asexual gentleman this week, as well as some rando Asian biddy from the sixth floor of my residence hall. Both were courteous, thanking me and at least not giving me the deathstare. I felt like kind of a mook with the girl, though; when she thanked me, I didn’t go with the usual “No, thank YOU,” but I instead opted to say “You’re welcome.” Oh, the hypocrisy of it all.

                There is an important point upon which I would like to elaborate that doesn’t necessarily pertain to this experiment, but instead to the whole of human communication. I don’t know how many people reading this are going to agree with me or realize it, but it’s been bothering me ever since I came to college. Though it occasionally happens with people I am meeting for the first time, it occurs mostly with people I already know. I’m talking about the give and take of conversation, or lack thereof. When talking to people, it is all too often that they monopolize conversation. Now don’t get me wrong; I’m a good listener, and I understand it’s an important part of conversation to hear out what someone else has to say. I don’t want to sound like a whiny shit or anything, but what I’m saying is that listening has become a lost art. Nobody does it anymore. If I wouldn’t consciously interject what I want to say in conversation, I would just never end up saying it. Rarely does anyone ask for my story, ask my feelings on a subject, or want to know where I stand on an issue. Most of the people I’ve met thus far at college have been serious perpetrators of this crime; perhaps understandably, though I won’t forgive anyone for it. Think about it—Which person sounds like someone with whom you would want to be friends? Someone who listens to you after giving their two cents (or, God help me, BEFORE giving their two cents), or someone that tells you everything they think about a subject and then moves on?

                You know, I would elaborate upon this phenomenon, but I think I’ve just found the topic for my motivational speech. Have a good week, everyone.

Week 9 - Facebook?

I handed out my nineteenth and twentieth notecards this week to a female and a male. I observed some neat things this week, not only in the experiment itself, but in myself as well. So without further ado, here’s how it happened:

For a while, there have been two people I’ve been considering for notecards, and I managed to get them both in one week. One is a male that I ALWAYS see wearing earbuds, yet I have never once seen him with another human being. On this particular night, however, I saw him without earbuds as he entered the residence hall. I almost didn’t catch it or even think of it, as I was on my way out as he was entering.  By the time I had made the executive decision in my mind to give this guy a notecard, the door had already closed. Damn. Now I’m that guy that takes two steps out of a building, realizes he forgot something, and then has to try his best to not look like a mook when he does a 180 and goes right back inside the structure he had just left. I go in and give the guy a notecard, but he was having none of it; he did, however, have plenty of that “you’re fucking crazy” look on his face the whole time I was explaining. He left, probably never to make eye contact with me again. Pity.

Anyway, as you can imagine, he didn’t call back, though I did an observation about myself—When someone’s body language is implying that they’re uncomfortable (which happens a lot, as I’m sure you can imagine), I tend to reinforce the fact that this is a school project. Maybe it’s because I subconsciously don’t want to seem too strange or to seem like I’m selling something, but I really can’t help mentioning a few times that this is a project for school when someone seems uncomfortable.

The other person, the female, gave a more positive response. Females tend to be the fairer sex as far as positive responses (smiling, nodding, eye contact, superfluous thank you’s) over males, even when they don’t call back. Anyway, it was Friday when I ran into her, handing her a card. Immediately, she said “Ok, well I’m not going to be here over the weekend, and I have a group project on Monday, but I can call you after that!” Huh, pretty cool, I thought; that’s the first time someone in this experiment actually told me they would call me. What’s more, the girl sent me a friend request over Facebook that very evening. That’s the first time someone in this experiment has sent me a friend request before getting to know me first. Facebook aside, however, I was just glad to have someone else calling me back so I would have something to write about. Right?

Dead wrong! Tuesday rolled around, and I got TOTALLY whiffed by this girl! Weaksauce. The only time someone actually SAID they would call back, and they didn’t. But the strangest part? When we pass each other going somewhere, she not only says hello, but she stops to talk. Jesus, my actual friends hardly afford me that luxury when I pass them, let alone some rando that didn’t even call me in the first place but nonetheless friend requested me. Am I the only one that finds this odd?

So that was my week. It was interesting enough on my end, I think—but please, feel free to ask questions or give comments. And please be honest; I’m tougher than I look, I don’t mind criticism.

Week 8 - Thank you for this

                GUESS WHO GOT TWO CALLBACKS??
                … Not me, but wouldn’t that be fun? I’ve evened out the number of guys and girls that have received cards last week, so decidedly I’ll keep it even from now on with one male and one female per week. I did exactly that this week. The first was a male that I always see with headphones, but never with people. This may have been the first time I’ve seen him without headphones, so I had to seize the opportunity when it came along. Pretty standard response; nodded politely while avoiding eye contact, ignored the obvious questions about what the hell I was even doing talking to him, said “thank you for this,” and left. Yeah, I don’t know why he said “thank you for this” instead of just “thanks,” but perhaps I’m not meant to know these things. Anyway, I’ll be expecting a callback from him when hell freezes over.
                I got a better vibe from the female; at least she smiled and kept eye-contact. I won’t jump to conclusions and say she’ll call back, but I feel like there is some correlation between whether or not someone makes eye contact, and whether or not they’ll call me back. The three people so far that have called back had all made healthy eye-contact with me when I first spoke to them. Most of the people that don’t call back will hardly look me in the eye when I give them a card, not to mention they avoid eye contact like the plague if I ever pass them again. In fact, not a single person that opted to ignore me in the first place has looked at me since I gave them a card. HA!
                I almost gave a notecard to an adult today, just for novelty’s sake. He’s some guy that sits in Geary Square every now and then, smoking a cigarette and doing a crossword puzzle, and it’s pretty clear that he isn’t a student. I might give him a card just for shits and giggles, but the opportunities to give cards to adults are few and far between, and I don’t want yet another variable (age) to analyze in the end, especially if I don’t have a large sample size for it. Then again, it would be cool to see if he would call back… I don’t know. O humble reader, what think you?

Week 7 - Jonesin' for Baked Treats

            This week, I decided to take a field trip to Pollock to hand out cards. I handed out two on two different days; one to a male, one to a female. Spoiler alert: Neither called back. Both gave responses almost exactly similar to one another: both nodded politely, heard me out, took the card, thanked me, and walked away. I get this response pretty damned often, and it bothers me quite a bit; no, it’s not because these are the people that never call back. It’s the part where they thank me. I’m serious; a conservative estimate would be that at least half of the people that have received notecards thus far have thanked me before I thanked them. Thanks? For what? Think about it- What did I do that deserves thanks? I understand that people may not say entirely sensible things while under pressure, and in all fairness, I suppose it could be a reflex to say “thanks” when handed something. Nonetheless, I find it to be getting a little pedantic, so perhaps I should just get used to it.

But enough ranting, something happened Saturday night that was incredibly interesting. I was sitting outside with a few friends eating some cigarettes when two girls approached us with a package of cookies, offering us some. At the time it was a blessing because, to be entirely honest, I was really jonesin’ for some cookies. So, inquisitive as I am, I asked the biddies why they were giving baked treats to strangers. Turns out they were from Penn State Abdington, and were doing a project for a social sciences class in which they offered cookies to strangers and would see if they took them. After shaking off the lab rat feeling, I asked them of their figures. I found their data surprising: I was their sixth taker out of twenty five people, a success rate around 25%, within a half-hour. This is greater than my success rate of three in sixteen, but not much more. I find it unbelievable that they aren’t much more successful than I have been; after all, cookies are always delicious, and the benefit of accepting is right in front of you without much investment at all. So even with something as easy and rewarding as accepting a cookie, people still only bite about twenty-five percent of the time. Interesting indeed. 

So there are a few mysteries on the table here. Why do people say thanks to me? Why wouldn't more people accept cookies? Was I seriously eating cigarettes? Some things we may never know... But we should at least discuss them.

Week 6 - May the Farce Be With You

                Due to the imbalance of gender representation in this project, and the poor response thus far from males, I gave out two cards only to males this week. One of them was rather inconsequential, I'm sure he won't call back. The second, while it wasn't a callback, was certainly worthy of note because I used to think it was easier to give cards to dudes. It wasn’t until this time, however, that I realized that may not be the case. So what happened?

                I was sitting around in the smoking area on Monday (ten brownie points if you can guess what I was doing), and I saw him come out of Geary Hall. Now I don’t want to generalize, but you can see how others might; he’s a big guy, taller than me and heavyset, frequently seen sporting a Star Wars T-Shirt and glasses. Most significant to my purposes, however, I see him alone quite often. Now this is a mark that I was really looking forward to; I myself am quite the Star Wars geek, and it’s always a pleasure to meet someone who is as into the movies as I am. I approached him, asking if I could have a minute of his time. Immediately, I could see his doubts in me; he looked over his shoulder, saying “uhh” and taking a step backward before giving a reluctant “yes.” I gave him a notecard and his directions, hoping for the best, and got a response that I had been expecting from someone eventually. “Are you fucking with me?” he said, edging backwards and mostly avoiding eye-contact. One of my friends nearby vouched for me, trying to reassure him that it was a legitimate offer, but to no avail. He walked away, brushing off everything I tried to say to sound sincere. Since then, he has vehemently avoided eye-contact every time he has walked by.

                This was the most disappointing denial thus far. Yeah, sure, all I know about the guy is that he probably likes Star Wars in some capacity, but even with just that, he’s the only person with whom I knew I had common ground before I approached him. Oh well; there are plenty of Star Wars fans in the world, so I suppose it isn’t something on which to get hung up. It’s just a shame to know it’s a lost opportunity. So who’s problem is this- Mine, or his? Is he wrong for brushing me off so quickly, or, God forbid, am I asking too much of people? And be honest, I won’t be offended.

Week 5 - One in Four, but Ladies Only

                This week, I decided not to hand out any notecards; Spring Break is right around the corner, so beyond having met up with “PB&J” I assumed that I wouldn’t have anything to write about. Fortunately, I turned out to be wrong in that assumption, but first I’ll elaborate on PB&J.

                The get-together last Friday went decently, though I wouldn’t have pegged it for such when we first sat down. I don’t know if she wasn’t prepared or if I was just misreading her, but she seemed a bit uncomfortable for the first five minutes or so of conversation. I suppose this is to be expected, but when I met with Athena, conversation flowed very naturally and it was hardly any work at all to invest myself in what I was saying and what I heard. With PB&J, however, things started off slowly. There came at least two times when conversation got dangerously close to awkward silence, but that was only toward the beginning when we were warming up to each other, and she turned out to be pretty cool. After thoroughly discussing literature, music, and Pokémon, we decidedly parted ways. She hasn’t contacted me since, though I commend her for at least calling back to begin with.

                So what else is there to write about? After all, I haven’t handed out any notecards since last Wednesday, so I wasn’t expecting any calls; both callbacks I had received so far were within three hours or so of handing off the notecard, so I assumed that would be a trend. Well, it turns out I shouldn’t count my hens until they hatch, because lo and behold, this Wednesday, the 29^th, I got a text from an unknown number asking if I “still needed help with that project.” All right, three for twelve. We planned to meet up that evening, but it occurred to me after we had made plans that I had no clue which person this was texting me back; all I know was that it was a female, as it was a feminine name. So I waited at Starbucks for her, and it turned out to be the girl from last week, the one with the positive response that I was sure would call back, henceforth known as “MotherTheresa.” It was a jolly old time, once again; I got to know a new person that isn’t the typical type with whom I hang, despite the fact that she was a sweet girl. I also learned that Swedish Techno is a thing, apparently. One interesting thing MotherTheresa said that made me think a lot afterward was that she wouldn’t have responded to the notecard if I wasn’t in the same residence hall as her. If that is the case for most people, then it may be difficult to branch out of East, which I imagine I will have to do sometime.

                Also, girls so far are three for seven, males so far are zero for five. When I first started doing this project, I found it much easier to approach males, but now that I’m getting better response overall from females, it’s harder for me to give guys notecards because I’m just not as convinced they’ll call me back. But what makes things this way? Why are females more prone to call back than males? Do you think many people hold the same view about strangers as MotherTheresa, being less trusting of them if they haven't seen them around? As usual, input is greatly appreciated, and if you’re curious about anything, I’ll try to answer to the best of my ability.

Week 4 - First Impressions

                This week I learned that first impressions are bullshit. Next time someone tells you how important first impressions are, slap them and ask for a lawyer. I only handed out two cards this week, both of which were examples of first impressions being misleading. One was a female in the Onion and the other was a female in the Geary Square. First things first, the girl from the Onion, henceforth referred to as “PB&J.”

                I was eating breakfast on Tuesday in the Onion, trying to find someone to hand a notecard since I had been slacking all week. I couldn’t see anyone alone, which was a shame, so I collected my trash and stood up to throw it away. Just as I was making my maneuver for the trash can, a girl sat down alone about five feet away from me. Looks like I’m ruining her meal.

                I sat down across from her, and was greeted with a look of shock. I briefly explained my project, handed her a card, and still got not a word from her. It wasn’t until I said “Ok, well thank you” that she said “Uh, bye.” I had received this response before, and I felt certain that this was the last I would ever hear from her. I went out for a cigarette and pushed it from my mind. About twenty minutes after I left the Onion, however, my pocket vibrated. Could it be??

                It was indeed an unknown number texting me, with a message saying merely “So what’s this project for?” Nice. Two for eleven. I elaborated as much as possible, though not so much to potentially offend her. We hashed it out, and we’re going for coffee on Friday afternoon. I completely got caught off guard by someone that I thought was entirely skeptical of me. Looks like my first impression betrayed me. But my impressions won’t mislead me again, right?

                Wrong. Thursday morning, I realized I had only handed out one notecard, which is pretty lackluster, so I rolled a cigarette and waited in Geary Square for a mark. Not a minute after sitting down, a girl came strolling up the way alone. Go time. I went up to her and gave the spiel, and got an atypically positive response; she smiled warmly, thanked me, pointed out that we live in the same residence hall, and went on her merry way. It may not sound like much, but cousin, if you could compare it to the other reactions I’ve seen, this girl was a goddamned Mother Theresa. But even with that great first impression, she hasn’t called. Granted, as of this writing, it hasn’t even been twelve hours, but both responses so far happened within six hours of the notecard changing hands, so I’m not holding my breath.

                So that’s that; I was hoping this project would help me get a feel of first impressions with people, but it seems that may not always be the case. But what do you think-- Are your first impressions of people typically accurate, or do you find people are frequently not what they seem at first glance?

Week 3 - Blonde Hair, John Mayer, and Nay-Sayer

                Another week passed, but again, no luck. I handed out three cards again. The first was to a short blonde female who gave a pretty standard response; she smiled politely, let me give my spiel, thanked me, and walked away. The second was a pretty tall male that resembled John Mayer. Despite the obvious implication of roguish good looks, he was deathly shy. I would say I could see it in his eyes, but I wouldn’t know because he didn’t make eye contact with me the entire time I was speaking to him. Again, no callback. But you know what? I would rather take every no-show in the world than have to deal again with the jerk I met at the Big Onion on Tuesday.

            It was breakfast time for me, which comes at about 11:30 on Tuesdays. I strolled over to the Big Onion, feeling confident and chipper, which I assure you is no average occurrence. I snagged a PB&J, sat down and scanned the area for a mark. There he was, sitting alone at a two-person table, eating a slice of pizza and staring out the window. Looked as good as any, I figured; he was a portly fellow, bespectacled, and half-lidded in that way most people that stare at windows for fun tend to be. His button down shirt said “I’m here to make an impression,” but the ponytail he was sporting said “I’m here to party.” I asked him if I could sit down with him for a second, and did so in response to his affirmative grunt. I made sure to smile, not only because I was invading his clearly precious personal space, but moreover because he looked like he needed one. I began my speech, telling him that I was doing a project for a class, and I gave him my card. He stared at it blankly for a few solid seconds; excusably so, since my handwriting is horrendous. To break the increasingly awkward silence and to segue to my conclusion, I said “Now feel free to not call back, because I know this is kind of strange, but…” Then, without provocation, he interrupted me in the snarkiest and most acerbic of tones, “Yeah, strange is one word for it.” I didn’t know what to say. I had, perhaps foolishly, never prepared for a hostile response of any sort before handing out a card. I kept my cool, fortunately, and finished my speech. When I was done, his idea of saying goodbye was to continue scarfing down his pizza, so I opted to slink off into a corner and rue the world.

            I hadn’t thought about this happening. I figured I might get teased a little, if only in good humor, but I welcome that sort of reaction. Straightforward assholery, however, is not something for which I had planned. So I pose to you, humble reader: How would you react to this situation in my boots? Should I have reacted differently? If this happens again, should I react a specific way?

Week 2 - Athena

                Things are starting to look up for this experiment. This week, I handed out three notecards three females, since I only handed out one to a girl last week. The first girl was courteous, said thank you and walked away, but I knew she wouldn’t call. The second girl was eating alone in the Big Onion, so I figured “what the hell” and gave it my best shot. Believe me when I say it—if looks could kill, my white chalk outline would be there now. She said not a word to me, and I got the hell out of there before she could reach her pepper spray. But the third girl… The third girl was my first callback, henceforth referred to as “Athena.”

                She was sitting on a table outside the Onion last weekend, smoking a cigarette and texting someone. I approached her and gave her my card, hoping for the best. It was halfway through my monologue that I remembered I was dressed like this (Long story):

Despite the getup, the response was positive; it was the first time someone introduced herself after I did so. About four hours later, I get a text from a number that I’ve never seen, saying “Hey Ben with the lovely bowtie, it’s [Athena]. We met earlier and I hope I’ll be helpful with your experiment haha.” Success. We nailed down some details, and decided on Starbucks downtown after class on Tuesday.

                Tuesday evening rolled around, and I arrived at Starbucks a few minutes early. I texted Athena to tell her I was waiting outside, but I didn’t get a response. I figured she was on her way. After ten minutes, I called, but she didn’t pick up. Thirty minutes had passed, and none of my texts or calls had been returned. Defeated, bruised, and pissed at the world, I began the long walk back to East Halls.

                Halfway back, I got a text from Athena, saying “Oh my god I’m so unbelievably sorry! I’ve been sleeping since I got home from class and I completely forgot to set an alarm. I’m so sorry I feel terrible…” Well, that answers that question. We ended up going to Starbucks after all, and we hung out for an hour and a half just talking and getting to know each other. Turns out she’s a pretty cool cat, so overall, it was a success.

                I had my doubts about this project, but getting a callback was certainly a confidence booster. Hopefully this confidence reflects in my actual distribution of notecards, because the hardest part is approaching the people to give them one. Fortunately, knowing that there are people that will respond makes giving them out just a little easier.